


Safe in their arms.

by Miss_maria_reynolds



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Polyamory, Sad Alex, a lot of feelings, coping with past domestic abuse, domestic abuse, sad Alex's boyfriends make him slightly less sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:59:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_maria_reynolds/pseuds/Miss_maria_reynolds
Summary: Alexander Hamilton has always had very poor luck with love, every lover he's ever had has left him, some even being abusive. He'd never thought that he'd end up with the best boyfriends in the world. He'd never thought he'd grow to be the domestic type. And never would he have thought that one of his boyfriends would end up being the president.





	Safe in their arms.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alex_and_Laff_and_John_and_Herc_and_Burr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_and_Laff_and_John_and_Herc_and_Burr/gifts).



> Hi! This is the first fanfic I've written in years and the first Hamilton fanfic I've ever written so I hope I'm not too rusty. Also just a warning that this story does contain graphic descriptions of abuse so if that triggers you don't read it. Thanks :)

Alex hated that he always remembered. Little things would set him off and bring back memories of a bad time. He was lucky to have found love, relationships built off respect and trust, but things hadn't always been like that. George was working, he was usually working. Running the country required him to be at his desk frequently. Normally it was okay, Alex understood that dating the president of the United States wouldn't be the most typical relationship, and he had two other boyfriends he could spend the day with. But John had classes today, he was taking art at the local college. And Laf was working today too.

Normally at least one of his boyfriends was home for the day, but they were all busy today, which meant Alex was alone. He'd told them he'd be fine alone and he wanted to prove he would be. John had offered to skip classes to spend the day with him, but Alex rejected the offer. He should be fine on his own. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. But being alone meant he had a lot of time to think, which didn't tend to end well without someone there to distract him.

* * *

 

He'd met Thomas in a seedy bar late one night almost three years ago now. He'd been lonely and sat down next to the first attractive man he saw. Thomas had looked over at him and smiled, which led to Thomas buying him a drink, which led to a conversation, which led to Alexander on his knees for Thomas in a dirty bathroom stall at the back of the bar.

They'd gone back to Thomas' house together, and when he woke up the next morning, Thomas was in no rush to get Alex out. That supposed-to-be-a-one-night-stand had led to an actual relationship, and everything had been great at first. Alex had moved out of the apartment he'd been sharing with Hercules for the past few months and in to Thomas' house. But eventually Thomas became more controlling, he'd get mad whenever Alex would want to spend time with his friends.

"Don't you love me? Don't you want to spend time with me?" He'd ask.

 It only escalated from there. One night Thomas was drunk. If Alex couldn't tell by his attitude he'd definitely be able to tell by all of the beer bottles on the living room table. Alex had gotten home late that night, and Thomas was mad.

"You said you'd be here an hour ago." The words were slurred together.

"Me and Aaron had some work to do for that murder case, sorry." Alex responded disinterestedly, not yet realizing the seriousness of the situation.

Thomas didn't look pleased with his answer.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Aaron y'know? I've been starting to get worried. You been fucking around with him?" Thomas stood up, stumbling slightly, and moved towards Alex.

"What? No-" Alex stepped back but Thomas just moved closer to him. "Don't lie to me whore!"

Thomas was barely three feet away from Alex now.

"You think I haven't noticed how much time you've been spending with him? How many extra hours you've had to take at work?"

"It's a hard case Thomas!" Alexander crouched down.

"Shut up!" 

Thomas stared at Alex for what felt like forever, his eyebrows tilted down in anger, but he eventually walked away, going back to the couch. Alex wasn't quite sure how to react. He made his way to the bedroom, hoping that Thomas would fall asleep on the couch that night.

The next morning everything had gone back to normal. Thomas had apologized, said he'd been drunk and was saying things he didn't mean. Thomas had been sweet to him the rest of the day, trying to prove he hadn't meant anything he said the night before. Things had seemed good, but it wasn't long before they got bad again.

* * *

 

Alex had gotten home late again that night. The court date for the murder case he had been working on had happened that day, and him and Aaron had went to a bar with some people at the firm to celebrate their victory. He'd only had a few drinks, but still didn't think he should drive home, just in case. He'd gotten Angelica, who was significantly more responsible than him, to drive him back.

Thomas was in the living room again, sitting on the couch again. There were empty beer bottles on the table again.

"Where the fuck were you all night?"

"Oh I went for some drinks with Aaron. We won the court case and went to go celebrate. It was so great! You should have seen the other lawyer's face."

Thomas looked angry at that.

"You were with Aaron again?" He asked.

"Yeah.." Alex paused, confused as to why he'd ask that question.

"You _are_ cheating on me aren't you? I knew you were fucking him!"

Alexander made the mistake of walking towards Thomas.

"What? No Thomas, there were a bunch of people from the firm there not just the three of us."

Alexander moved away from Thomas, but he was followed. He was backed up against the wall with Thomas standing too close to him to be comfortable. He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, trying to get far away from Thomas.

"We were all just celebrating. Angelica was there too she drove me home. Me and Aar-

Thomas hit him, slapped him on the cheek.

Alexander froze for a minute in disbelief, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Thomas was still yelling, but he couldn't hear it. He put a hand up to his face, covering where Thomas had hit him. He snapped back into reality when Thomas grabbed his shoulders.

"You fucking slut! I knew you were whoring around! I wasn't good enough for you? You needed to go behind my back and fuck Aaron? Knew you'd cheat on me just like you cheated on Eliza!"

He tried to open his mouth to defend himself, but Thomas hit him again. Alexander could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He stood up abruptly and ran to the door. He wanted to leave, wanted to get away from Thomas, but he hesitated before opening the door. Thomas was just drunk. This would pass and he'd apologize and everything would be okay again. Things would go back to the way they had always been.

"You're going to fucking leave? Of course you are you bitch. Gonna walk out on me just like your dad did to you! Gonna go run back to Aaron and fuck him? Or maybe Angelica too? You fucking slut!" 

Alex felt the tears rolling down his face as he opened the door and left the house. He ran, not sure where to go but he knew he needed to leave.

He ended up in a park a few blocks away. He leaned against the nearest tree and let his tears roll. He couldn't believe everything that Thomas had said to him. He'd poured his heart out to Thomas and now those words were being used as knives to cut him open and hurt him again. Thomas knew how much of a touchy subject his dad was, and he knew how guilty Alex felt about everything that had happened with Eliza and Maria.

He knew he'd need somewhere to go for the night. He didn't have the courage to go back home. Thomas probably wouldn't let him stay there anyways. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, trying to type a sentence that would actually make sense while his tears blurred the keyboard.

**To: John**

**I'm at the park near my house could you come get me? I can't be at home right now.**

John had picked him up and taken him back to his apartment. He was sweet, not asking questions or forcing Alex to talk. He held Alexander close throughout the night and made him feel safe.

Alex ended up back at Thomas' house the next day. Alex tried to forget what had happened and go on as normal, but Thomas would find another reason to lash out at Alex. He'd bring up how sure he was that Alex was cheating on him, how Alex had cheated before, so it was no surprise that he was doing it again.

Alex tried to make their relationship work for a few more months, but it had been like trying to connect two puzzle pieces that don't fit together. Thomas continued to hurt him, and Alexander continued pretending it didn't happen. It wasn't until one night in Hercules' apartment that he realized the couldn't keep up with this.

Thomas had gotten mad again and it had resulted in a black eye that Hercules had assumed was from Alex getting in another fight. But when he took a good look at Alexander and saw how badly he was shaking and how red his eyes were, he knew something was wrong. Alex ended up explaining everything through tears while Hercules stroked a hand through his hair, trying to comfort him.

He'd gotten Hercules to help him with moving out. He'd been too scared to face Thomas alone. The two of them went in to the house, and they stored all of Alex's belongings into Herc's truck before going back to the apartment. To this day Hercules was the only other person that knew the full extent of his and Thomas' relationship issues. He made him swear to never tell anyone, and Herc wasn't one to go back on his promises.

* * *

 

Alex didn't realize he was crying. Thinking about Thomas always hurt, but he could never seem to stop. He was sitting down, leaning against the wall behind him. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and called Laf, hoping that he'd be done work by now.

"Hello?" Laf's thickly accented voice answered the phone.

"Hi." Alex tried to keep his voice even, not wanting Laf to hear that he'd been crying. "Are you done work?"

"My shift just ended a few minutes ago. Why? Are you okay? You sound like something is wrong." Alex could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm- I'm fine I was just wondering when you'd be back. It's kinda boring being home alone all day" Alex justified by convincing himself that it was only half a lie.

His boyfriends knew about his tendency to overthink. They knew how he didn't deal well with being alone for too long, but Alex had never explained exactly where his mind would wander off to when he'd get like this.

"I'll be home soon mon chere. I'm just about to leave."

"Okay. Goodbye."

"Goodbye my love" Laf hung up.

Alexander dropped his phone onto the floor and curled tightly into himself, hugging his knees into his chest and closing his eyes. Laf wouldn't be home for at least forty minutes.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, but eventually Alex heard footsteps approaching, the sound getting closer and closer until it stopped. He clenched his arms tighter around himself, hoping maybe he could shrink inwards so much that the person wouldn't notice him crying on the floor.

"Alex?" It was George.

Alex didn't respond. He kept his head pressed against his arms and knees.

"Alexander? What happened? Laf called me and said you had been crying." George crouched down to be level with Alex.

Alex looked up at George, embarrassed that his crying was evident on his face.

"Alexander?" He knew George was just trying to help, but bringing himself to speak was difficult.

"I was just- just thinking again." He looked back down at the floor, ashamed. "It's not a big deal I just-"

"It is a big deal. You're clearly upset." George stood up and put out his hand for Alex to grab.

Alexander reached out and let himself be pulled up. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before looking back at George.

"Come, let's go to the couch. We'll lay down and you can calm down and talk about it if you want."

George didn't let go of Alex's hand as he lead them down the hallway to the living room. He sat on the couch and pulled Alex down to do the same. George shifted so that they were lying down, Alex's head on George's chest with arms wrapped around him. Neither of them spoke. George never pressured him into talking when he was upset. He'd often get nonverbal and not be able to speak even if he wanted to. George traced little shapes on Alex's arm until he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Alex woke up to the feeling of three bodies on the couch around him. His eyes slowly opened to the sight that not only George was with him, but Laf and John were too.

He shifted slightly, signalling to the others that he was awake in a way that didn't require him to speak.

"Hello love," it was Laf. He moved closer to Alex and wrapped his arms around him.

"George told us that you had not been doing so well earlier."

Alex looked down at his hands, not able to make eye contact with Laf. He felt so stupid getting worked up about this.

"I had thought you had been crying when you had called me but I wasn't sure." Laf pulled away, and John leaned over to replace him.

"What happened Alex?"

Alex looked up hesitantly and found himself still unable to speak. Words usually flowed through him so well, they were his sword and shield. He'd built his entire life because of his ability to speak and write, but now he couldn't get anything out.

George put a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to tell us Alex. But it would be nice if we could try to help." Alex turned to look at him.

"You said you'd been thinking right? You could start with that." John suggested.

Alexander had talked to the three of them about this before, but it had been very vaguely. He had simply explained that he had some bad memories and that his mind would often wander to them when he was left alone with his thoughts for too long. He'd told them about Thomas in passing, never going into the details though. He hadn't told them the specifics because he'd thought he'd never have to. He thought that he'd be able to get over this eventually.

"I-" he started, trying to push any words out of his throat no matter how ineloquent they might sound. "You guys know that my mind, it wanders sometimes."

John nodded, and Alexander realized just how intensely his boyfriends were staring at him. He looked down again trying to break the awkward eye contact.

"I was, in a pretty bad relationship a few years ago. Be-before I met you all. I know I told you about Thomas before but- but I didn't tell you everything about him. I was dating Thomas and everything had been going so well and I thought that the two of us could have had a life together but h- he started getting angry. He'd drink and I'd make him mad because I'd come home late and he always thought I was cheating on him with Aaron and he'd ju- just get so angry and he hit me. And I know it's my fault because I'd do stupid things that upset him but I thought we were going to be perfect together, and sometimes I worry something like that will happen with us and then I- I start to worry about what I'd do because I love you three and I don't want to walk away like I did with Thomas but at the same time I can't do that again and I just don't know what I'd do, and every time I'm alone I think about him and I just want it to stop. And he'd always bring up Eliza and Maria and tell me I was a bad person because of it even though he know how terrible I felt because of it. And I feel so stupid when I think about him and everything that happened because it's been years and I should be over it now." Alexander went on and on, unable to stop until he had all the words out. He felt tears begin to sting in his eyes again, his throat tightening.

There was a long pause until Laf spoke. "My love, I'm so sorry."

George removed his hand from Alex's shoulder and gently grabbed his hands. "Thank you for telling us about this. That couldn't have been easy."

"Alex none of that was your fault." John was looking softly at Alex.

"I- I made him angry. I was working on a case with Burr and we spent so much time together and Thomas knew about Maria so it's no wonder he started to worry." Alexander didn't know why he was trying to defend Thomas.

"Alex," George sounded stern but soft. "There is a difference in being worried and being abusive."

"Thomas-"

"Wait a second. Was this Thomas Jefferson? Thomas you used to date that I work with?" John asked, cutting Alex off.

Alex nodded in response, unable to push out the words stuck in his throat.

"That son of a bitch! I'm going to-"

"John I think perhaps our Alex is not in the mood for yelling." Laf said, effectively hushing John.

The four of them fell silent. George, Laf, and John looking for something to say to Alex.

"You know we would never do that to you right?" John asked, breaking the strange silence that had settled between them.

Alex nodded slowly. "It's- it's an irrational fear. I know. But I just get scared sometimes."

"We will try not to make any harsh or sudden movements if you want. Anything that might scare you." George said. John and Laf nodded in agreement.

"That would be nice I guess." He paused for a second, trying to think of how to phrase the next sentence. "It's more so being left alone that affects me."

Alex was slowly starting to calm down. He knew he was safe now but it was hard to put distance between him and the memories. They always brought him back to the same scared state he had been in at the time.

"I feel so stupid complaining about this."

"Alexander," George put a finger under Alex's chin and turned him so they were facing each other. "You went through something bad. And as a result you feel bad when you think about it. It isn't stupid at all."

"I feel so clingy. You guys should be able to leave the house without me having a breakdown. John you're going to school and Laf you work and George you're running the fucking country. You all have important things to do and I want to let you do them. And I should be over this by now it happened so long ago."

"Alexander," Laf started "you are much more important to me than my job. Perhaps I could take a few weeks off and stay here with you until you think you're comfortable enough for me to leave. God knows we don't need the money"

Laf glanced over at George, who provided more than enough income for the four of them.

"That would be nice."

John leaned over to hug Alex, and the four men ended up tangled together on the couch. Alex looked at each of them and knew that in that moment he was surrounded by the three people he loved most in the world. Safe in their arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too bad. Sorry it was so short, Im hoping to start writing longer fics. Feel free to leave a comment if you want.


End file.
